Denial: I believe I breezed through this stage. Yep, no denying the callously disgusting behavior that took place leading up to the major fallout. Anytime even the HINT of a fantasy regarding me and this dude tries to emerge, the big black boot of reality stamps down firmly on it.
Anger: I was here for a hot second. I couldn't stand the thought that this man was still allowed to walk and breathe...really God? You let him live??? After what he did? Well, there is a reason he is an all-loving God now. I guess he's still one of His children. Psshhh.
Bargaining: I think I spent little to no time here. Imagine? That I could really ever convince myself that I was the cause of his constant lying, cheating and general whorish behavior? After all I had done to try to build him up? Puhleeze. The only thing I could have done differently to keep this relationship going was stuck my head in the sand and pretend nothing was going on, lol.
Depression: I am currently stuck in this mire of guilt, shame and heartache. Guilt because I am constantly thinking of him, and its affecting my focus. Shame because I still love this bastard. Heartache because it literally fucking hurts my heart as I replay all of our old happy times in my brain, and I know, I KNOW, that that shit was based on lies and that I can NEVER revisit that again. Uggghhh.
Acceptance: Where I wanna be!!! I cannot wait to be floating on the beautiful river of acceptance and to be ready to grab life by the you-know-whats and to be ME again. That person with the happy disposition that was so naive and loving and trusting of the opposite sex, and that would never be scared of going down this road with someone new, and that was hopeful enough to let that happen. Every now and then I catch glimpses of her, but she is so hard to pin down. Please Lord, help me find her again.
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